Tips for Anxiety and Overthinking

Why do I overthink?

Have you ever wondered WHY you get caught in a negative loop of thoughts? I love working with women in counseling and explaining how the brain works. This is not something that is because you are "dramatic" or because you "should just stop thinking like that!"

Science helps us to understand that our caveman brain continues today. If a tiger was approaching, the caveman had to survive! He would scan the area for resources, "Should I run up a tree or grab a stick?" Each way to fight or each path to flee comes racing into the mind. Quickly and loud! This helped the caveman to make urgent decisions to save their life.

Well, you and I aren't fighting off tigers. We may face physical dangers, but more than likely your stress triggers are from emotional dangers. "What will he think of me?" "Did I do well at that?" "How is that going to turn out?" "Why did she say that to me?"

And when we do not have an immediate answer - we loop and overthink.



What are common themes of overthinking?

If you have selected this topic to read about, you may know exactly what I am talking about. You get caught thinking through a situation and then, keep thinking and analyzing deeper. Some of my overthinking is like a tennis match - back and forth between how a situation will turn out or what I agree about the situation, then what I disagree about the situation, oh, then back to agree thoughts. Round and round. Ugh, mentally exhausting!

There are a variety of topics you have done overthinking about. Take a look at your ruminating this week, what was it about?

There are 3 main themes that I hear women in counseling share.

1. Uncertainty

This theme is when you just are not certain how something in the future is going to turn out. Or, you may look back at something that has already occurred and analyze the hell out of it. You have a mental decision tree going at all times, If this...then that will happen...If this...then that other thing might happen.

Example: Job interview - Am I going to get the job? Did I give the best answers? Who are the other candidates? If I don't get a call today, then I definitely did not get the job! If they offer me the job, I don't know if I have enough skills to impress them in the position.

2. Decisions

This theme is when you have to weigh the pros and cons of a situation, to exhaustion. You just do not feel settled with one decision or the other. This may be about a decision you already executed or one that is coming up.

Example: Parenting decision - Your child clearly broke the rules. You had a decision to make about the consequences. As time has passed, you are not sure if you like how this turned out and if your own emotions interfered in the decision-making. You lay in bed thinking this over and over.

3. Doubts

This theme is usually about our insecurities and relationships. Professional or personal relationships. We all know our weaknesses, it is the fear that others see them too, judge us and can hurt our hearts. You roll these social encounters over and over in your mind. You think about it without feeling complete.

Example: Intimate relationship - You and your spouse have gone out to a nice dinner together. He seems distracted and only has a surface conversation with you. Your mind fills in the blank - He is upset with me. He needs to tell me bad news. He is frustrated with me. His feelings have changed. You go down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios to your observation that he is quiet. Your insecurities feed you the answers!

What is Overthinking?

Overthinking is defined as thinking about a topic without feeling complete and causing a combo of physical, emotional and mental fatigue.

You do not feel like you can let it go.

You volley the ideas back and forth, to exhaustion.

You get lost, distracted and foggy from all the energy that the thinking does.

You are seeking to feel peace. You want to feel calm and no longer dwell on the topic.



Check out my YouTube video on Anxiety and Overthinking



What can I do to manage the anxiety and overthinking?

I wanted to provide you the education so that you understand what is happening in your well-being, and now, I want to share what you can do to decrease the discomfort of overthinking.

Write it down

Do you journal? Do you write yourself text messages? Do keep a doc in your phone? These are all places that you can use to sort out your thoughts and your feelings.

Even if you jot down a phrase or keywords, this stops the looping in the moment and makes a promise to your brain - I will come back to this when the time is right. You will not use mental energy to memorize these thoughts and wrestle with them all day while you really want to focus on something else.

Much of your mental fatigue is from pushing your topic away, over and over. You want to be in the present moment or now is just not the right time to sort out the details with what you are battling with. But your brain pushes it back to the first tab open - READ ME!

So, to not have to memorize it, write down the idea or question. Then, when you have the space or solitude, pull it apart. Write down more questions. Write out a pros and cons list. Write what more information you are needing to make a decision. Write down what action plans or conversations you can have to find resolution and find peace.

Looking for a good journal notebook?

My daughter and I designed a beautiful Palm Tree journal notebook. It is 100 pages long, lined pages. It is only 6x9, so it fits in your purse or beach bag. Jot down your ideas, questions, dreams or wishes! Sold on Amazon for $5.33.

Say it out loud

Troubles shared makes the load less heavy to carry! Whenever you find yourself looping on ideas, worries, or areas to problem solve, share them in conversation with a trusted friend or family member.

If you are sitting with your sister at lunch, let her into your racing thoughts and share, "Hey, I have had all of these worries about this new job, can I share them with you?" This introduces your need to vent, to simply share. Then, she can reply with validation and acknowledgement. If you need advice, open that up in the conversation next, "What do you think I should do?"

Remember, we could line up 5 friends and they would each approach the problem with different reactions and different advice. So, if you still do not feel settled or like you found the answer that will calm your mind, talk to the next person.

Walk away

The truth is, time may be more of what you need. Our minds can make us feel like the topic is urgent and puts us into a spin of overthinking. However, most decisions are not happening right this moment but into the future.

That's great news! You have TIME on your side. So, write it down and WALK AWAY. You don't have to memorize it, you have it in the journal. (Maybe your cute Tranquility Journal). Wake up the next morning or look at it 2 weeks later, open the journal and see if you have more info now. You may have more clarity about the entire scenario now.

Great job, you stopped the overthinking and managed your anxiety. You have the opportunity to have more time today to appreciate a Tranquility Moment.

Check out my YouTube video and Facebook/Instagram posts with more tips!

Kathryn D. Gardner, LMHC, LCPC, CHC, is a Christian mom, wife, Licensed Therapist (in Florida and Illinois) and Certified Health Coach. She and her family moved from Chicago, IL, to Tampa, FL, in 2022, to live near the ocean and be in the sunshine. She shares well-being tips with women who are also helpers - moms, teachers, nurses, medical professionals, counselors, social workers and caretakers of ill family members. She provides individual counseling to women in Florida and Illinois via Telehealth. She is also available for speaking events in the Tampa, FL area.

www.KathrynGardner.com

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