How To Notice The Good

The negatives get our attention

If there was a way to capture each of my thoughts in a day, how many would be focused on negative things and how many would be focused on the positives?

I closed my laptop and waited at the front window for the kids to get home from school. I was thinking of all of the things I need to still get done. My mind raced - the call I needed to make to our business accountant, the laundry still sitting in the dryer, the email with the activities going on next week at school that I need to add to the family calendar, the water bottles that need to be washed for the weekend football game, oh, and the church bulletin graphic due on Monday. Ugh. Had I gotten anything done all day? Why is there still so much unfinished work? I'm not organized enough, I moaned to myself. I take on way too much, I sighed.

My mood shifted from feeling accomplished and ready to welcome the kids, to heavy and discouraged. There is just not enough hours in the day, I huffed.

I could have stayed in that mindset. I could have let all of the air out my happiness balloon.

How to respond to the negative thoughts

It seems easier to focus on all of the negatives, in ourselves and others. Or, at least I notice those things much more quickly! I can tell you what I want my co-workers to do differently. I can tell you who on social media is full of themselves. I can tell you what my child keeps doing that is driving me nuts. I can tell you what the problem is, but do I know a solution - probably not!

And round and round we go. These are the thoughts that bring you and I lots of unneeded worry, concern and tension. We complain. We grunt. We judge. We criticize. Yet, those drain our mind and body. They drain my heart, too.

A great way to boost your energy and mood is to focus on the good.

You need a mental STOP sign.

To pause the critical, negative train in your head!

Change what you notice

It is true, things are going to bother you. However, change what your eyes look at. Look for the good. Notice the positives.

I could bake a cake and decorate it for one of the kids' birthdays. I can look it over and tell you where there is too much icing, where it is lop-sided or where the filling is oozing out. OR, I can smile to myself and know that my son or daughter is just going to love having one of my cakes made just for them!

The trick - look with your heart.

Over-thinking the mistakes, the could-of-done-better aspects will drain you!

Notice the good in others

Start noticing what is good by looking for the strengths in those you love. Today, even if there was a conflict, there is good. There are areas that have improved since last month. There are changes that are still possible. Notice the good.

Write down the good things you see and feel. Notice what your spouse is doing out of love and respect. Notice what your child did today that was not even prompted by you. Notice what your loved ones would say about you right now if I asked them about you!



Notice the good in yourself

Ah, the trickiest part of noticing the good is noticing the good in ourselves. Boy, we tend to be so self-critical. And is it impossible to be positive towards anyone else if I am so negative towards myself? (hmm, good future blog post?!)

Take my moment at the window waiting for the kids. I could have let that change my whole attitude. That could have soured my reunion with the kids (who are full of their own emotions from the day at school!).

It is a choice. It takes effort to put up the emotional STOP sign and shift what you are focusing on.

Wrap-up

You will have plenty of moments of frustration this week. It is up to you to listen to what your mind is focusing on and put up the STOP sign.

There is so much good in your life. You have so much to be thankful for. I understand if you are in a difficult season or things are really tough right now. Start small and sit in quiet to listen to what your heart shows you as good.

The more that you see the good, the more you will notice! I hope these moments make you smile. I call them Tranquility Moments - bringing you happiness, joy, love, peace, calm and confidence.



"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely and admirable.

Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

- Philippians 4:8

Kathryn D. Gardner, LMHC, LCPC, CHC, is a Christian mom, wife, Licensed Therapist (in Florida and Illinois) and Certified Health Coach. She and her family moved from Chicago, IL, to Tampa, FL, in 2022, to live near the ocean and be in the sunshine. She shares well-being tips with women who are also helpers - moms, teachers, nurses, medical professionals, counselors, social workers and caretakers of ill family members. She provides individual counseling and speaking events in the Tampa, FL area. KathrynGardner.com

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